LETTER TO ZAHRA…MAY 12^TH, 2005

Dear Zahra,

I am quite aware that you are in Pakistan visiting your family and friends. I am wondering whether you showed your dad the letter I wrote to you about my concept of Ideal Human Beings. I am curious about his response.

For a long time I have been preoccupied about the theme of Freedom as it is very close to my heart. Whenever I think of Freedom, a number of thoughts and feelings and images and experiences come to my mind. Rather than articulating them in an organized form, I am going to follow free association and let the pen flow as it is also an expression of creative freedom. I feel letter writing provides far more informality and freedom than essay writing.

I do not want you to feel the pressure of responding to each and every letter. Write when you feel the urge or you are inspired. We are developing a creative friendship, not a business relationship. Writing letters is helping me articulate my philosophy in a creative way.

                                                                   Affectionately,

                                                                             Sohail  

                        1. CLOSED DOORS AND METAL BARS

 When I think of all the memories and experiences that shaped my attitude and philosophy towards freedom, the first image that comes to my mind is an image of my early childhood when I was really small, may be three years old. Even now as an adult when I close my eyes I can see myself with my tricycle standing in front of a closed door with a metal bar in our house in Kohat, Pakistan. I want to open the door to go outside but I cannot. The bar is too high for me to touch. I can hear children playing in the street. I want to play with them but I cannot. I look at my mom with pleading eyes and ask,

“Mom, can you open the door?”

“No, I cannot.”

“Why not? I would like to go out and play.”

“No, it is not safe. There are so many pathans carrying guns. What would I do if they kidnap you? I don’t even know their language Pushto.”

As I did not want to listen to all the reasons and excuses so I walked away. The more I heard the children play, the more I felt frustrated. When my mom saw me sulking she said, “Wait, till your dad comes home. He will take you out for a bike ride.”

That image of my standing close to the closed door is etched in my mind. I remember when my mom was not around, I tried to open the door many times but I could not. I felt like being in jail and perceived my mom being the jailer. I felt like a bird in a cage.

Now that I think about my life, I feel that the images of closed door and metal bar and the feeling of helplessness have stayed with me all those years. Maybe those feelings helped me empathize with all those people who were held behind metal bars and closed doors whether they were Eastern women who were not allowed to leave home, or the writers and genuine intellectuals who were imprisoned for their writings or the psychiatric patients who were kept in the hospital against their wishes.

I sometimes feel that my empathy is not only for the human beings but also for the cats and dogs and buggies, which are kept as pets locked up in the house or in the cage and not allowed to play with their friends and mates. It is not only that, they are even sterilized so that they are deprived of an enjoyable intimate life. I am always amused by the reasons their masters give to rationalize and justify their behaviour.

Whenever I think of that image I remember a story of a parrot in Toronto whose Indian master wanted to go to trip to visit his family.  He had brought that parrot from India with him to Toronto. Before leaving he asked his wife and children what gift he could bring back from India. In the end he asked his parrot if there was anything special he wanted the master to do while he was traveling in India. The parrot asked him to visit his friends in India and wish them the best and ask for their advice for him. When the master finished his trip he went to see the parrot’s friends. When he told them the message of his parrot he was shocked to see that one of the parrots fell from the tree and died.

When the master came back he gave all the gifts to his family and then told the story to his parrot. After hearing the story the parrot fell in the cage and died. The master was shocked one more time. He took the cage outside the house, opened the cage and threw the parrot in the backyard. The moment parrot touched the ground he woke up and flew to sit down on the branch of the tree.

“Why did you do that?” the master asked in bewilderment.

“I was acting on my friend’s advice.” The parrot responded.

“What advice?” the master was still puzzled.

“My friend sent the message that to be free you have to die. Death is the price one has to pay for freedom.”

I sometimes wonder whether that is why one of the main values close to my heart has been freedom, whether it is freedom of traveling or freedom of speech, whether it is financial freedom or emotional freedom, whether it is social freedom or political freedom.

That first image of closed door and metal bar has been a mixed blessing for me, creating a painful feeling as well a sense of empathy for all living behind closed doors and metal bars whether humans, animals or birds. 

                             2. FREEDOM AND CHILDREN

I believe that all human beings are born free as children but only some of them remain free as adults. I feel children are like plants. The same way as plants need sunshine, warmth and fresh air to grow, human children need nurturing, trust, affection, love and positive role models to grow as healthy and happy adults. When children are brought up in restrictive families, suppressive schools and oppressive communities, then they cannot fully actualize their potential and their growth remains stunted. Such children are never free to be their natural self and grow to the fullest. They become victims of those parents, schools and communities who put metallic shoes and invisible chains on their feet or metallic hats on their heads. Some of those restrictive hats are in the form of oppressive and deterministic ideologies that do not respect, cherish and encourage human freedoms. It is unfortunate to see how the families, schools and communities try to condition children. Such conditioning tries to brainwash children and force them to think, feel and act in a certain way. Such conditioning seriously curtails their freedom and undermines their individuality.

3. DETERMINISTIC IDEOLOGIES

In my personal life as a friend, creative life as a writer and professional life as a psychotherapist, when I encourage people to be spontaneous and creative and explore their potential to the fullest, I am surprised by the reasons they give me why they can not do that. They have adopted ideologies that curtail their freedom and increase their limitations and sufferings. I call them deterministic doctrines. Some have adopted:

A,  Genetic Determinism. Such people believe that their genes have already decided their personality and their future and they are going to suffer because their parents and grand parents suffered.

B, Psychic Determinism. Such people believe that their childhood experiences, which they had no control on, have eclipsed their lives and they would never be able to enjoy their lives.

C, Social Determinism. These people believe that since they were born in a certain tradition and culture, they are unable to do certain things and adopt certain lifestyles as they would be penalized and persecuted for them.

D, Religious Determinism. These people believe that their lives have been pre-determined by God and spirits who have already written in a holy book how all human beings are going to live their lives from birth to death. It is their fate and they are unable to change it.

E, Astrological Determinism. Such people believe that their lives depend upon their date of birth and the configuration of the stars when they were born. Since they had no control on the time of birth and the stars they have no control on their future.

F, Spiritual Determinism. Such people believe in the phenomenon of re-incarnation and explain their tragedies by their past lives.

I am amazed that all such people are pre-occupied with what they cannot do rather than what they can do and suffer in their lives. I believe human beings might have all those genetic, family and social predispositions and inclinations but they are not controlled by their instincts like birds and fish and animals as they have a choice to act or not to act on those biological influences, psychological messages and social temptations. I believe human beings have a duality in their nature. They have a choice to become saints or sinners or both. They are free to choose and that freedom is part of their nature, their humanity.

          Whenever I have an opportunity, I encourage people to review their conditioning and their deterministic ideologies and get in touch with their natural self and do things what they like to, want to and love to do and in this way they enhance their freedom and spend more and more time in their healthy, happy and peaceful state of mind.

4. PRICE OF FREEDOM

During my lifetime I have come to the realization that to break down the chains of conditioning, we have to pay a price for our freedom. To be free we have to face the opposition of traditional families and communities who can make us feel guilty or ask for financial sacrifices. Whenever I am in such a conflict I remind myself of the folktale I had heard when I was a little boy. That story has remained a guide for me all my life and has helped me make some important choices.

          The story is about a wolf that enjoyed his life when he was young as he could run fast and catch his prey. But as he grew older and weaker he started to worry about his old age. One day he was walking near the end of the jungle when he saw a healthy and handsome dog. He started to chat with the dog. When the wolf asked him about the secret of his health the dog told him that he lived with his wonderful master who fed him well and looked after him. The wolf asked the dog if he would introduce him to his master and recommend that he live with them. The dog had no objection. He asked the wolf to come back the next day to the same place and he would introduce him to his master. For a few seconds wolf felt happy and ecstatic and saw all his problems solved. But when the dog turned the wolf saw a sign on the dog’s neck. He asked the dog

“Why is a line of hair missing on your neck?” The dog was evasive but when the wolf insisted he told the wolf, “ My master also has a bad temper. When he is upset he puts a chain in my neck and ties me in the basement for a few hours. This line is the mark of the chain.”

After listening that story the wolf thought for a while and then said, “I changed my mind. I do not want to meet your master.”

So some people like a dog accept the chain of the master to be well fed and have comforts of life while some people like the wolf take risks and refuse to accept food and comforts for which they had to sacrifice their freedom.

I always admired the wolf more than the dog and tried to follow his footsteps. I offered sacrifices and never regretted them as they helped me live a free life. Since I practice that philosophy myself I encourage others to do the same and help them live and enjoy a freer life. Freedom is our right and not a charity given to us by others. 

5. FREEDOM FROM / FREEDOM FOR

When I lived in an oppressive environment of Pakistan, I was only familiar with one kind of freedom. I wanted freedom from all the chains of restrictive traditions and conditions. But after I left East and came to the West, I realized that there was another kind of freedom, which is freedom for. At one time I only knew what I did not like or want to do but I had no idea what I liked or wanted to do. I knew what road or philosophy I did not want to follow but I did not know what road and philosophy I wanted to follow. I gradually met many other men and women who knew what kind of relationships they did not want to have but had no clear idea what kind of relationships they wanted to have. I was in that no man’s land for a few years. And then I discovered the road, the philosophy and the lifestyle that I was comfortable and happy with. In my books I have shared my journey

…from traditional family to the family of friends that I call Family of the Heart

…from traditional religion to the philosophy of humanism

…from traditional psychiatric practice of mental hospitals to Green Zone humanistic psychotherapy practice in my Creative Psychotherapy Clinic

Even in my creative writing I have been evolving from the traditional forms to non-traditional forms. Gradually I am realizing that letter writing offers me the most creative freedom in creative expression and creative communication. I have even used letter writing in my psychotherapy practice as it adds creative element to the psychotherapy practice.

          I believe we all need to keep on exploring different forms of expression until we discover the form that offers us the maximum freedom. 

                             6. THE LAST HUMAN FREEDOM

Over the years I have realized that many of those who fight for freedom of speech and action do not realize the significance of freedom of thoughts, fantasies and creative imagination. They do not appreciate that freedom is a state of mind. People can be free in the most oppressive and suppressive environments. Victor Frankl discovered that freedom in concentration camps and acknowledged it in his book Man’s Search for Meaning in these words, “ …everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms…to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way…it is the spiritual freedom…which cannot be taken away...that makes life meaningful and purposeful.” 

Jean Paul Sartre believed that as human beings we are all condemned to be free but I feel that all of us are fortunate, as we have a choice to follow the social conditioning or unlearn those restrictive modes of thinking, feeling and acting and develop our full potential as human beings individually and collectively and keep on growing and evolving and actualize our freedoms so that our tomorrows become better than our yesterdays.

                                                                   Sohail                                                                              May 12^TH 2005.