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Dear Khalid:
It is indeed an interesting topic but at the same time quite intriguing. I
am not sure if very many people would like to narrate their stories of
beliefs, love, expectations, differences or shortcomings etc etc. These
are
basically intimate and personal concerns. However, I would like to add a
few lines from my part as a gesture of participation. I feel my marriage
is
also of a peculiar nature. My wife belongs to a practicing Sunni Muslim
family and my parents and other family members are orthodox Ahmadis. At
the
time of our marriage I was and am still an atheist. The elders of my
wife's
family were against marrying their
daughter to an Ahmadi so to say. My mother-in-law argued since Rafiq is an
Atheist and non-believer so we cannot consider him an Ahmadi. In their
opinion an Atheist was some how acceptable though reluctantly than an
Ahmadi. May be they thought it would be much easier for them to bring me
in
their fold although it did not work that way.
Now I briefly comment on your point a) which I feel applies on me:
I have never interfered in the practice and belief of my wife and she had
done likewise. Most of the times she agrees with me but I feel deep inside
she is scared of some invisible being who might punish her for approving my
ideas. No problem. It was my intention to name our children with
sub-continental names instead of the Arabic version commonly practiced in
Pakistan. We were able to choose names for our daughters without any
conflict rather in total agreement. It is over 30 years we got married.
Like any other couple we have seen economic/social ups and downs but overall
we have a terrific marriage. I can comfortably say I have no hard
feelings.
As I grow older my love and respect for her is more mature and I feel my
strength lies in the reciprocity of my partner rather than in any belief or
faith known to us. As for children they were raised without compelling any
religious bias. They were given a free hand in choosing any religion they
feel could satisfy their personal and social needs. They wish to stay as
Muslims. Fair enough, I have no objection. However our cross-belief
marriage has caused some problems in finding proper proposals for the
marriage of our daughters. Unfortunately Islamic society has yet to show
the social acceptance, understanding and tolerance of modern ideas and
social behaviours.
rafiq
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