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She
was lying next to me in bed. Playing with my beard she said, "You learnt French
yesterday. It's my turn to learn Urdu today."
"Sure."
"What
do you call a friend in Urdu?"
"Dost."
"And
a lover?"
"Ashiq."
"And
a girlfriend?"
"There
is no word for girlfriend in Urdu."
"And
what do you call dating."
"There
is no word for that either."
"Then
who do people marry in Pakistan?"
"Their
fiances."
"And
how are fiances acquired?"
"Friends
or relatives choose them for people."
"Do
people sleep with their fiances?"
"Forget
about sleeping. They can't even meet or talk to them."
"Then
who do poets converse with in their poems?"
"Their
imaginary beloveds."
"Don't
these beloveds become their wives later on?"
"You
are so innocent! For an Urdu poet his beloved never becomes his wife and his wife is never
his beloved."
"It
is beyond my understanding."
"Mine
too."
"Why
is that?"
"Because
our intelligence has its limitations."
"Do
you consider me your girlfriend?"
"Yes,
I do."
"What
do you tell your mother about me?"
"Nothing."
"Why
is that?"
"Because
she is dear to me."
"You
must be kidding."
"No,
not at all. Last time I showed her my girlfriend's pictures she stayed up crying and
praying for me all night asking God to forgive me."
"Your
mom sounds very conservative."
"From
a Canadian point of view."
"And
from Pakistani point of view?"
"She
is like other mothers."
"Does
your mom want you to get married?"
"Of
course."
"To
whom?"
"To
any woman."
"You
are an interesting man."
"All
the women I know tell me the same thing."
"And
I like you."
"That's
nice of you."
"And
I love you."
"Thanks
very much."
"Do
you love me?"
"No."
"Why
is that?"
"Because
I care about you."
"What
a devil you are. Let's go to sleep."
~ * ~
"I
want to have a serious talk with you."
"Go
ahead."
"Do
you realize that we have been dating for six months?"
"Yes,
I do."
"And
exclusively too?"
"That's
true."
"So
tell me, where is this relationship going?"
"What
do you mean? Does it have to go anywhere?"
"Where
is its destination?"
"It
is a destination in itself."
"What
does it mean to you?"
"Meaning
is a relative thing."
"You
are again turning it into a philosophical discussion. I am talking seriously."
"I
am serious too."
"So
what's ahead in our future?"
"I
am not a fortune-teller."
"Then
what do you want in this relationship?"
"I
don't think that will make any difference."
"I
think that will make the ultimate difference."
"Maybe."
"Let
me be honest and straightforward. I want to live with you."
"I
can't live with anyone."
"What
do you mean by that?"
"I
couldn't live with my mother, sister or any friend."
"But
I am not your mother, sister or friend."
"I
am a difficult man to live with."
"Stop
all that nonsense. You are being evasive. You are as slippery as a fish. I will not be
distracted by your poetry or psychology. I want you to put your cards on the table."
"What
cards?"
"I
feel that you are not committed to the relationship."
"That
is true."
"You
never were."
"That's
true too."
"And
you never will be."
"That
is possible too."
"And
I am wasting my time."
"What
is that supposed to mean?"
"My
life is not a toy that you can play around with."
"A
woman told me once that I would never be able to love any woman."
"Why
is that?"
"Because
I am in love with my own dreams."
"I
want to end this dating game. I want to either get married or live with someone."
"With
whom?"
"With
you."
"With
me? How come?"
"Because
I love you. But you are an eternal playboy. No promises, no commitment."
"I
don't make false promises."
"You
don't make true promises either. You just live in the present. You want to be an existentialist.
Let me tell you dear that this is life. It is not a psychiatric interview where you can
play the game of here and now."
"You
look angry."
"I
don't just look angry, I am angry, I am angry that I have fallen in love with an
irresponsible man like you. You don't even have the guts to get angry. You pretend that
you are a wise mystic. I am not sure whether you are a mystic or an impotent man. Only
impotent men don't get angry. You can only feel anger if you have loved someone. What the
hell do you want? Do you want me to live with you or break off the relationship?"
"Do
I have to decide or do you?"
"You."
"Why
me? The person who raises the question has to answer it first."
"What
the hell do you care? You don't give a damn if I stay or leave. You will start creating
poems or write a short story about this incident and think that you have matured and
sublimated all your negative feelings. All these things look good in books, more so in
heavenly books. Any man who cannot experience feelings of anger, hatred and sadness should
commit suicide."
"Are
you encouraging me to kill myself?"
"Oh
stupid idiot! I am trying to teach you the abc's of love. I fail to understand how a man
who has never loved anyone can be a poet or a psychiatrist. All your philosophy and
literature is like a fizzy drink that has gone flat. I have finally come here to get a
straight answer."
"You
don't need to get so sentimental."
"And
you don't need to act like Mahatma Buddha."
"I
started dating you because you were not interested in the drudgeries of marriage."
"I
was not then but I am now."
"You
are changing your principles and you are expecting me to change mine too."
"I
didn't know that I would start to care about you so much that I would be willing to gamble
my life."
"Who
is responsible for that?"
"You."
"How
is that possible?"
"You
discouraged me consciously but encouraged me unconsciously."
"What
can I say now? There is something called principle."
"What
kind of principle? Look who is talking. Life is not like algebra where knowing (a + b)2
can solve all the problems. Life is like geometry where you have to find a new solution to
each problem. I think I will stop seeing you and break off the relationship."
"I
will feel sad about it."
"No,
you won't. You are lying. You don't feel sad about anything. I am looking for a man who
can be a long-term partner, who can share the pains and ecstasies of my life."
"I
can join you in your good and bad times but I can't join you in having babies and making a
family."
"Don't
expect anything from me from now on. I will see you around some day."
"Sure."
~ * ~
"How
come you're here so late in the evening."
"I
came to see you and offer you a gift."
"What
a nice painting. It is beautiful. It is called
friends
... I thought it would be a painting of a half naked woman."
"Everything
has a time and a place"
(After a while)
"We
are no longer a boyfriend and a girlfriend, right?"
"That's
true."
"Then
what would you call our relationship?"
"The
same as the name of this painting - friends."
"What
does that mean?"
"We
will see each other once in a while and share our pains and ecstasies."
"How
often would we meet?"
"Whenever
we feel like it and whenever we are free."
"Would
we sleep together."
"No."
"Why
not?"
"Friends
don't sleep together."
"Why
don't they sleep together?"
"They
just don't."
"Do
you have a girlfriend now?"
"No,
I don't."
"And
I don't have a boyfriend. As long as you don't have another girlfriend and I don't have
another boyfriend what's wrong with sleeping together?"
"Wrong?"
"Why
don't you stay here tonight." |