ALGEBRA OR GEOMETRY

 

She was lying next to me in bed. Playing with my beard she said, "You learnt French yesterday. It's my turn to learn Urdu today."

         "Sure."

         "What do you call a friend in Urdu?"

         "Dost."

         "And a lover?"

         "Ashiq."

         "And a girlfriend?"

         "There is no word for girlfriend in Urdu."

         "And what do you call dating."

         "There is no word for that either."

         "Then who do people marry in Pakistan?"

         "Their fiances."

         "And how are fiances acquired?"

         "Friends or relatives choose them for people."

         "Do people sleep with their fiances?"

         "Forget about sleeping. They can't even meet or talk to them."

         "Then who do poets converse with in their poems?"

         "Their imaginary beloveds."

         "Don't these beloveds become their wives later on?"

         "You are so innocent! For an Urdu poet his beloved never becomes his wife and his wife is never his beloved."

         "It is beyond my understanding."

         "Mine too."

         "Why is that?"

         "Because our intelligence has its limitations."

         "Do you consider me your girlfriend?"

         "Yes, I do."

         "What do you tell your mother about me?"

         "Nothing."

         "Why is that?"

         "Because she is dear to me."

         "You must be kidding."

         "No, not at all. Last time I showed her my girlfriend's pictures she stayed up crying and praying for me all night asking God to forgive me."

         "Your mom sounds very conservative."

         "From a Canadian point of view."

         "And from Pakistani point of view?"

         "She is like other mothers."

         "Does your mom want you to get married?"

         "Of course."

         "To whom?"

         "To any woman."

         "You are an interesting man."

         "All the women I know tell me the same thing."

         "And I like you."

         "That's nice of you."

         "And I love you."

         "Thanks very much."

         "Do you love me?"

         "No."

         "Why is that?"

         "Because I care about you."

         "What a devil you are. Let's go to sleep."

 

 

~  *  ~

 

 

 

         "I want to have a serious talk with you."

         "Go ahead."

         "Do you realize that we have been dating for six months?"

         "Yes, I do."

         "And exclusively too?"

         "That's true."

         "So tell me, where is this relationship going?"

         "What do you mean? Does it have to go anywhere?"

         "Where is its destination?"

         "It is a destination in itself."

         "What does it mean to you?"

         "Meaning is a relative thing."

         "You are again turning it into a philosophical discussion. I am talking seriously."

         "I am serious too."

         "So what's ahead in our future?"

         "I am not a fortune-teller."

         "Then what do you want in this relationship?"

         "I don't think that will make any difference."

         "I think that will make the ultimate difference."

         "Maybe."

         "Let me be honest and straightforward. I want to live with you."

         "I can't live with anyone."

         "What do you mean by that?"

         "I couldn't live with my mother, sister or any friend."

         "But I am not your mother, sister or friend."

         "I am a difficult man to live with."

         "Stop all that nonsense. You are being evasive. You are as slippery as a fish. I will not be distracted by your poetry or psychology. I want you to put your cards on the table."

         "What cards?"

         "I feel that you are not committed to the relationship."

         "That is true."

         "You never were."

         "That's true too."

         "And you never will be."

         "That is possible too."

         "And I am wasting my time."

         "What is that supposed to mean?"

         "My life is not a toy that you can play around with."

         "A woman told me once that I would never be able to love any woman."

         "Why is that?"

         "Because I am in love with my own dreams."

         "I want to end this dating game. I want to either get married or live with someone."

         "With whom?"

         "With you."

         "With me? How come?"

         "Because I love you. But you are an eternal playboy. No promises, no commitment."

         "I don't make false promises."

         "You don't make true promises either. You just live in the present. You want to be an existentialist. Let me tell you dear that this is life. It is not a psychiatric interview where you can play the game of here and now."

         "You look angry."

         "I don't just look angry, I am angry, I am angry that I have fallen in love with an irresponsible man like you. You don't even have the guts to get angry. You pretend that you are a wise mystic. I am not sure whether you are a mystic or an impotent man. Only impotent men don't get angry. You can only feel anger if you have loved someone. What the hell do you want? Do you want me to live with you or break off the relationship?"

         "Do I have to decide or do you?"

         "You."

         "Why me? The person who raises the question has to answer it first."

         "What the hell do you care? You don't give a damn if I stay or leave. You will start creating poems or write a short story about this incident and think that you have matured and sublimated all your negative feelings. All these things look good in books, more so in heavenly books. Any man who cannot experience feelings of anger, hatred and sadness should commit suicide."

         "Are you encouraging me to kill myself?"

         "Oh stupid idiot! I am trying to teach you the abc's of love. I fail to understand how a man who has never loved anyone can be a poet or a psychiatrist. All your philosophy and literature is like a fizzy drink that has gone flat. I have finally come here to get a straight answer."

         "You don't need to get so sentimental."

         "And you don't need to act like Mahatma Buddha."

         "I started dating you because you were not interested in the drudgeries of marriage."

         "I was not then but I am now."

         "You are changing your principles and you are expecting me to change mine too."

         "I didn't know that I would start to care about you so much that I would be willing to gamble my life."

         "Who is responsible for that?"

         "You."

         "How is that possible?"

         "You discouraged me consciously but encouraged me unconsciously."

         "What can I say now? There is something called principle."

         "What kind of principle? Look who is talking. Life is not like algebra where knowing (a + b)2 can solve all the problems. Life is like geometry where you have to find a new solution to each problem. I think I will stop seeing you and break off the relationship."

         "I will feel sad about it."

         "No, you won't. You are lying. You don't feel sad about anything. I am looking for a man who can be a long-term partner, who can share the pains and ecstasies of my life."

         "I can join you in your good and bad times but I can't join you in having babies and making a family."

         "Don't expect anything from me from now on. I will see you around some day."

         "Sure."

 

~  *  ~

 

         "How come you're here so late in the evening."

         "I came to see you and offer you a gift."

         "What a nice painting. It is beautiful. It is called

friends ... I thought it would be a painting of a half naked woman."

         "Everything has a time and a place"

 

                                          (After a while)

 

         "We are no longer a boyfriend and a girlfriend, right?"

         "That's true."

         "Then what would you call our relationship?"

         "The same as the name of this painting - friends."

         "What does that mean?"

         "We will see each other once in a while and share our pains and ecstasies."

         "How often would we meet?"

         "Whenever we feel like it and whenever we are free."

         "Would we sleep together."

         "No."

         "Why not?"

         "Friends don't sleep together."

         "Why don't they sleep together?"

         "They just don't."

         "Do you have a girlfriend now?"

         "No, I don't."

         "And I don't have a boyfriend. As long as you don't have another girlfriend and I don't have another boyfriend what's wrong with sleeping together?"

         "Wrong?"

         "Why don't you stay here tonight."